Me today.

It’s been soo long that I couldn’t even remember the password to login in the blog.. the days of daily blog posts seem so far away.. I’ve had this entry in my mind for a while now but between time and courage I just let the days go by.. But this morning it is, I was reading yesterday from my TimeHop app an entry that I did 2 years ago in my personal blog.. lots of random thoughts and it felt so good to read it and I remember that it felt so good to write it so then I thought about the post that I’ve been blogging in my mind for so long…

It’s been one of the hardest years that I’ve ever had.. moving to Georgia has been soo much harder than I ever thought it was going to be.. I know in my head and heart that the move was the best for my family but at the same time I felt like I was sacrificing so much of me for it. If you’ve been with me for a while you know how passionate  I am about photography and my business… growing that business in Alabama from zero felt like such a big accomplishment and it fill that “Grethel” part.. I love my mom part, my wife part, daugher, sister etc.. but having a “Grethel” part was so fulfilling and I felt like it was the battery that kept going in a happy way all my other parts. Then we moved.

Truth is that business is not what it used to be a few years ago. 3-4 years ago it was cool to say that I was a photographer, we were only a handful of photographers in the Birmingham area and we all knew each other, had similar prices and business models… then the market got saturated and everybody and their cousin had a big fancy camera and called themselves photographers.. I felt like saying that I was a photographer wasn’t cool anymore and it turned into “You are also a photographer? My (aunt, cousin, neighbor, daughter, etc) is a photographer too” the perception of quality pictures by the clients went way down and so the prices. Stablished photographers with business licenses, insurance, paying taxes, attending workshops, etc can’t bring their prices down to compete with the new business trend so a lot of us have suffered.. I’ve seen big photographers names through the country closing business so I know I’m not alone in this… My business started suffering in Alabama too and I started to get a bit depressed about it. My husband had been working in Georgia for almost 4 years but I didn’t want to move because I had my business.. when my business started to slow down I finally said yes to him and moved… In my brain I thought a new market, new people, lets start fresh.. but it hasn’t been easy.

First with all the changes I started suffering of anxiety… Anxiety sent me to the hospital in several occasions and it started to rule my life, scared, depressed, un happy… I felt like I hit bottom at the beginning of the year and decided to look for help and therapy has brought me back. Anxiety is still there but it doesn’t control me anymore, I’m back to singing in the kitchen with my kiddos while we pack lunches, I’m back to grabbing my big camera just because, I’m back to been happier..

There is still a little hole in my heart about my photography business.. I’m trying though.. I’m back to basically begging people to let me take their pictures like I did 7+ years ago, back to hoping I get an email requesting for information.. I’m back to hoping this will grow… but I’ve started backup plans.. I got a job as a substitute teacher for my county school system, I’m sewing my heart out and trying to sell as much as I can of my handmade items and I’m cleaning closets and selling on ebay whatever comes to my hands.. not that these kiddos are expensive and the money is always needed but I also need to do something for my self and these little things definitely help lots. But my heart and soul is in photography, I’m holding tight to the hope that I’ll go back to doing what I love so much at some point again..

So that’s me today.. It really feels so much better to get all that out. Thanks for reading and for been so supportive of my work. You all are for sure a big part of me. So I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“You don’t make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved.”
― Ansel Adams

 

And because it’s all about me today some recent  iPhone selfies with my loves… seeing these pictures makes me soo grateful! in all the darkness that I felt I was they were my light and engine. <3<3